Finally, I got a breakdown. Sorry, Mum, Candy, hope I didn't worry you. I was just troubled by so many trivial but DAMN issues. Ya, I am depressed. But, soon, I will stand up again. So, please don't worry about me.
I'll never get hurt so easily anymore. After those lessons, I learned something new. It can be considered as a good experience. I will change my mind, stop trying and dreaming. Nothing and No one is perfect. However, I will stop everything now. I am tired.
So, QF (Xiao FF), we friend friend de la as long as you wouldn't feel awkward. :)
May 30, 2007
One day...
I am unhappy. In fact, I am very very very very very very very very very very very very sad.
If I don't know, I wouldn't so sad.
If I don't know, I still can deceive myself.
If I don't know, I can pretend I am blessed.
But now I know, so the feeling is really really really unbearably bad.
Can you tell me, Why I feel I was betrayed by you?
I wish you to tell me anything! No matter it is good or bad news. I wish you to do so like what I am doing...
If I don't know, I wouldn't so sad.
If I don't know, I still can deceive myself.
If I don't know, I can pretend I am blessed.
But now I know, so the feeling is really really really unbearably bad.
Can you tell me, Why I feel I was betrayed by you?
I wish you to tell me anything! No matter it is good or bad news. I wish you to do so like what I am doing...
May 28, 2007
The Law of Karma 因果定律
因果定律是不能消灭的.
偈云: [假使百千劫, 所作业不亡; 因缘会逢时, 果报还自受].
意思是说:
假若过了百千劫那样久的时间, 各人所造的罪业是不会消灭的. 要知道, 因与果的中间有个[缘]. 只要因与缘成熟时, 果报还是自己要受的.
The Law of Karma cannot be destroyed. Karmic deeds from a hundred or thousand kalpas, must produce their results. When the conditions are right, the deeds (Causes) done by us and the results (Effects) from the deeds must be met by us. Each and everyone of us are affected by the Law of Karma. In between the Cause and Effect is the Condition. When the Condition is right, the deeds (Cause) done will produce results (Effects)
偈云: [假使百千劫, 所作业不亡; 因缘会逢时, 果报还自受].
意思是说:
假若过了百千劫那样久的时间, 各人所造的罪业是不会消灭的. 要知道, 因与果的中间有个[缘]. 只要因与缘成熟时, 果报还是自己要受的.
The Law of Karma cannot be destroyed. Karmic deeds from a hundred or thousand kalpas, must produce their results. When the conditions are right, the deeds (Causes) done by us and the results (Effects) from the deeds must be met by us. Each and everyone of us are affected by the Law of Karma. In between the Cause and Effect is the Condition. When the Condition is right, the deeds (Cause) done will produce results (Effects)
I am SORRY
Sometimes I just want to share my feelings with my beloved. This is a place where I can write whatever I want. However, I did hurt my beloved. (That JB kw told me he was hurt, I wish he will get internal bleeding)
Sorry, CTNT. I don't mean it.
If it did hurt you, I would like to say SORRY.
In fact, you don't think too much. All the fault is on that JB kw. You introduced a job to me, a reckless and impulsive Aries. You are brave and I appreciate it. Besides, I never feel bad or bu-shuang. If I have, it is not caused by you. I only bu-shuang that JB kw who caused everything.
Like what mum said, DON'T DISPUTE over a trivial issue because of a NOBODY (JB kw).
Tan's Rocks! So, let's forget about it, OK?
Don't forget what mum and I told you, we will support you!
PS: Ah Ken you de shi qian!!! wohohohohohohohohoho.....
Sorry, CTNT. I don't mean it.
If it did hurt you, I would like to say SORRY.
In fact, you don't think too much. All the fault is on that JB kw. You introduced a job to me, a reckless and impulsive Aries. You are brave and I appreciate it. Besides, I never feel bad or bu-shuang. If I have, it is not caused by you. I only bu-shuang that JB kw who caused everything.
Like what mum said, DON'T DISPUTE over a trivial issue because of a NOBODY (JB kw).
Tan's Rocks! So, let's forget about it, OK?
Don't forget what mum and I told you, we will support you!
PS: Ah Ken you de shi qian!!! wohohohohohohohohoho.....
I should give him a slap
I am so sad! Why don't you tell me earlier? If I know you don't mind, I die die will give that JB kw a good lesson. At least I will let him 气得内出血. Haha-haha...
FW: 「不能讓他害人」 父揮刀砍逆子
中时电子报 更新日期:2007/05/28 04:39 記者: 秦美華／竹市報導
新竹市一名十七歲伍姓少年在外結交損友、吸毒，他的父親費盡苦心，當慈濟義工希望感化他，卻喚不回么子踏上正途；伍父廿七日偶然發現愛子疑參與販毒，灌了半瓶高梁酒後，持菜刀朝兒子頭頸砍了兩刀，幸無大礙，卻是砍在兒身痛在父心。
「我不想殺他!我不想殺他!」，案發後，伍母和長子及時拉開了兩人，將受傷的么子送醫後，伍父頹然哭倒在沙發上，被帶回警局偵訊時，還不斷喃喃自語，少年被送往署立新竹醫院急救後暫無大礙。
伍家有兩個兒子，一家四口全賴夫婦倆擺攤維生，長子已成年懂事，無奈么子在外廝混，常打賭博電玩一輸就是幾萬元，回家開口討錢，連父母送他的金項鍊，都被拿去典當。
去年，么子開始吸毒，三天兩頭回家要錢，伍母常偷偷塞錢給他，但這月初才給了一萬五千元，前天竟然又回來要兩萬元，還把家中機車借給狐群狗黨遮掩牌照騎乘，被警方查扣。
伍父傷透腦筋，還為了么子去慈濟當義工，希望能對兒子有一點感化作用，沒想到無意中聽到兒子與別人對話，「收到四千塊錢了」，讓他懷疑兒子販毒。
「自己不好但不能害人」，平日很少喝酒的伍父徹夜難眠，開了一瓶高粱酒，一口氣喝了半瓶，看著趴在餐桌上休息的兒子，他走進廚房拿了菜刀就朝兒子砍去。
「不知道自己砍了幾刀，那時腦裡只想著不能讓他害人」，警方偵訊時，伍父哽咽地說，「我真的不想殺死他，他現在還好嗎？」令人鼻酸。
少年送醫後確認頸部和頭部各被砍一刀，頭部一刀甚至削下部分頭皮，伍母心疼骨肉，但更不捨丈夫，她說，丈夫老實顧家，但對么子「真的沒辦法了」。
新竹市一名十七歲伍姓少年在外結交損友、吸毒，他的父親費盡苦心，當慈濟義工希望感化他，卻喚不回么子踏上正途；伍父廿七日偶然發現愛子疑參與販毒，灌了半瓶高梁酒後，持菜刀朝兒子頭頸砍了兩刀，幸無大礙，卻是砍在兒身痛在父心。
「我不想殺他!我不想殺他!」，案發後，伍母和長子及時拉開了兩人，將受傷的么子送醫後，伍父頹然哭倒在沙發上，被帶回警局偵訊時，還不斷喃喃自語，少年被送往署立新竹醫院急救後暫無大礙。
伍家有兩個兒子，一家四口全賴夫婦倆擺攤維生，長子已成年懂事，無奈么子在外廝混，常打賭博電玩一輸就是幾萬元，回家開口討錢，連父母送他的金項鍊，都被拿去典當。
去年，么子開始吸毒，三天兩頭回家要錢，伍母常偷偷塞錢給他，但這月初才給了一萬五千元，前天竟然又回來要兩萬元，還把家中機車借給狐群狗黨遮掩牌照騎乘，被警方查扣。
伍父傷透腦筋，還為了么子去慈濟當義工，希望能對兒子有一點感化作用，沒想到無意中聽到兒子與別人對話，「收到四千塊錢了」，讓他懷疑兒子販毒。
「自己不好但不能害人」，平日很少喝酒的伍父徹夜難眠，開了一瓶高粱酒，一口氣喝了半瓶，看著趴在餐桌上休息的兒子，他走進廚房拿了菜刀就朝兒子砍去。
「不知道自己砍了幾刀，那時腦裡只想著不能讓他害人」，警方偵訊時，伍父哽咽地說，「我真的不想殺死他，他現在還好嗎？」令人鼻酸。
少年送醫後確認頸部和頭部各被砍一刀，頭部一刀甚至削下部分頭皮，伍母心疼骨肉，但更不捨丈夫，她說，丈夫老實顧家，但對么子「真的沒辦法了」。
Lost Job
As usual, I went to work in this morning. I called Candy at 940p.m., wondering why she haven't reach yet? She was sick and informed me that new girl comes in today. I was not nervous at that moment as I was too naive. I thought kw (Sorry, I don't like to write this person's full name as I worry about contamination) will make a good arrangement on allocation of jobs. Besides, we had an oral agreement stating I will work for him by the end of this month - May.
The nightmare happened. When kw reached, he told me to quit as his new girl will come on tomorrow. I was shocked as according to our oral agreement, he should hire me by the end of this month. Thus, I am discussing with him. Ya, it is a discussion as I don't want to make difficult to my sister, Candy. I told him, you should hire me until the end of this month as what we agreed before, you should know that because of your job, I had rejected a number of job offers. Although you said, it is unfair to you if you hire 3 assistants at one time because it is inefficient. However, it is also unfair to me too. Is it possible to ask your new girl come in next month? It will be a win-win situation.
At that moment, I can say, I have nothing wrong. I discussed with him with a soft and patient tone. We want to settle this issue. Besides, I was well-prepared too if he insists on his own idea. Then I will leave without causing any dispute no matter how angry I am because my sister still work for him.
However, something happened and I made a mistake which caused me in an awful situation. When we were discussing, his boss, AD came and asked for a talk with him immediately. Coincidentally, when he was talking with the boss, an agent approached me, telling me that Alan (another agent) recommended me to her. She is going to offer me a job. At that time, what i did wrong is, I talked with her about the job scope. Because of my lack of experience, I don't know it is not good to discuss your job offer in front of your current boss although he is going to FIRE you.
Thus, kw who is well-known to his emotional personality, scolded me on the spot, said I don't respect him. He had no mood to discuss with me anymore. After it, he left for meeting and commanded me to work. I was stunned as I didn't know what is wrong.
Anyway, now, we can see that the circumstance is changed. At first, kw is the one at fault as he broke the agreement. I have the say on the whole issue. However, due to this artificially accident, I am the one at fault. Like I mentioned earlier, he is an emotional person, thus he linked this accident to our discussion. (A good transition) As a man, he should act as a real man. BUT he didn't. He sent a message to my poor sister who was very sick, stating that "your sister made a big mistake." That is the content I heard from my mum. She knew as my sister called her. Because of that damn message, it did give my sister a scare, wondering I may steal customer credit card number or etc. (PS: as I joked with her in the past) But I am quite disappointed as she thought I will do that kind of things. I think she was too nervous. Thanks for that JB kw.
That Bxxxxxx kw made me angry as:
1. The agent approached me, not I approached her. It is not my fault. As an experienced working people, she should know it is not right. However, I don't know. So, the only error I made is I shouldn't talk with her in front of that emotional beast.
2. He shouldn't scare my sister; He may succeed in his career, but as a human being, he is a loser.
At that time, I was angry, hurt and sad as I am not the one at fault. I am a so-called victim, a part-timer who is going to be fired due to breach of agreement by employer. However, due to that accident, I become the one at fault. To make a closure, I decided to apologise regardless fair and just for the sake of my sister. If I have a dispute with kw, I am sure I "can win" in the case of firing me as he is the one breaching the agreement. (I can sue him by right) The accident is just an excuse to him. I wish to slap him, smack his face by chair, give him a lesson, or at least have a big quarrel with him to appease my anger. However, reckless and impatient Xiao Ken didn't do so as I have a sister working there. If she is not working there, I wouldn't let off that JB kw so easily and even apologised to him. The feeling is really sux. 我觉得很委屈 no choice, really no choice 只好打断牙齿合血吞
No matter how, I lost job. It is a fact. Anyway, I received the cheque on the spot. If it bounces, I will immediately sue that JB kw :p I wouldn't curse him. Inversely I feel sorry to him because WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND. I always believe their existence of Karma and retribution.
At death not even one of 10,000 things we can bring; Except only the karmic seeds of every deeds we did
NAMO AMITABHA. may Buddha bless my beloved.
The nightmare happened. When kw reached, he told me to quit as his new girl will come on tomorrow. I was shocked as according to our oral agreement, he should hire me by the end of this month. Thus, I am discussing with him. Ya, it is a discussion as I don't want to make difficult to my sister, Candy. I told him, you should hire me until the end of this month as what we agreed before, you should know that because of your job, I had rejected a number of job offers. Although you said, it is unfair to you if you hire 3 assistants at one time because it is inefficient. However, it is also unfair to me too. Is it possible to ask your new girl come in next month? It will be a win-win situation.
At that moment, I can say, I have nothing wrong. I discussed with him with a soft and patient tone. We want to settle this issue. Besides, I was well-prepared too if he insists on his own idea. Then I will leave without causing any dispute no matter how angry I am because my sister still work for him.
However, something happened and I made a mistake which caused me in an awful situation. When we were discussing, his boss, AD came and asked for a talk with him immediately. Coincidentally, when he was talking with the boss, an agent approached me, telling me that Alan (another agent) recommended me to her. She is going to offer me a job. At that time, what i did wrong is, I talked with her about the job scope. Because of my lack of experience, I don't know it is not good to discuss your job offer in front of your current boss although he is going to FIRE you.
Thus, kw who is well-known to his emotional personality, scolded me on the spot, said I don't respect him. He had no mood to discuss with me anymore. After it, he left for meeting and commanded me to work. I was stunned as I didn't know what is wrong.
Anyway, now, we can see that the circumstance is changed. At first, kw is the one at fault as he broke the agreement. I have the say on the whole issue. However, due to this artificially accident, I am the one at fault. Like I mentioned earlier, he is an emotional person, thus he linked this accident to our discussion. (A good transition) As a man, he should act as a real man. BUT he didn't. He sent a message to my poor sister who was very sick, stating that "your sister made a big mistake." That is the content I heard from my mum. She knew as my sister called her. Because of that damn message, it did give my sister a scare, wondering I may steal customer credit card number or etc. (PS: as I joked with her in the past) But I am quite disappointed as she thought I will do that kind of things. I think she was too nervous. Thanks for that JB kw.
That Bxxxxxx kw made me angry as:
1. The agent approached me, not I approached her. It is not my fault. As an experienced working people, she should know it is not right. However, I don't know. So, the only error I made is I shouldn't talk with her in front of that emotional beast.
2. He shouldn't scare my sister; He may succeed in his career, but as a human being, he is a loser.
At that time, I was angry, hurt and sad as I am not the one at fault. I am a so-called victim, a part-timer who is going to be fired due to breach of agreement by employer. However, due to that accident, I become the one at fault. To make a closure, I decided to apologise regardless fair and just for the sake of my sister. If I have a dispute with kw, I am sure I "can win" in the case of firing me as he is the one breaching the agreement. (I can sue him by right) The accident is just an excuse to him. I wish to slap him, smack his face by chair, give him a lesson, or at least have a big quarrel with him to appease my anger. However, reckless and impatient Xiao Ken didn't do so as I have a sister working there. If she is not working there, I wouldn't let off that JB kw so easily and even apologised to him. The feeling is really sux. 我觉得很委屈 no choice, really no choice 只好打断牙齿合血吞
No matter how, I lost job. It is a fact. Anyway, I received the cheque on the spot. If it bounces, I will immediately sue that JB kw :p I wouldn't curse him. Inversely I feel sorry to him because WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND. I always believe their existence of Karma and retribution.
At death not even one of 10,000 things we can bring; Except only the karmic seeds of every deeds we did
NAMO AMITABHA. may Buddha bless my beloved.
May 27, 2007
let it be
一切发生的太快没有办法去释怀回过头才发现我们错过太多太过觉得你不懂我要的只是你的嗲知道你疼我还贪心的要更多更多可不可以多一些关怀
Tomorrow is Monday, sister completed her exam, she will come back. Finally, I don't need to have my lunch alone, don't need to help that JBKL buy lunch too. Although I'm not willing to do so, I didn't do any nasty on the food. I'm too kind-hearted. :P
Anyway, a new week starts again. I must work hard! I believe, I can achieve my target soon! Work hard, I have 50% to succeed. If Not, I have nothing. Kambateh sio!!!
Tomorrow is Monday, sister completed her exam, she will come back. Finally, I don't need to have my lunch alone, don't need to help that JBKL buy lunch too. Although I'm not willing to do so, I didn't do any nasty on the food. I'm too kind-hearted. :P
Anyway, a new week starts again. I must work hard! I believe, I can achieve my target soon! Work hard, I have 50% to succeed. If Not, I have nothing. Kambateh sio!!!
May 26, 2007
result of 2nd Sem 06/07
gosh! i am so elated! my CAP increased! the feeling is like the share you always lose money suddenly increased crazily! i got this kind of feeling! wahahaha... besides, i got A!!!! oh my Buddha! However, i wouldn't slack de, i will work harder in next semester de! Jia U Jia U!!!
I love you, dad, mum, all my beloved. U all did give me support directly or indirectly! I love U!
I love you, dad, mum, all my beloved. U all did give me support directly or indirectly! I love U!
May 25, 2007
my little simple dream
working working working... from 930a.m. to 830p.m, i work non-stop. sitting in front of the desktop, watching on the screen; boss is mostly not around, but it doesn't mean i will doze off. my philosophy is: never earn what i don't deserve to.
i am so tired. i don't know i am really tired until they told me so. last night 830p.m., i was still staring at the desktop while top bosses were going home. they showed me their concern, worrying me my health condition; telling me how dangerous if i am working non-stop for 8 or more hours. they know why i work hard; they appreciate it. i still could hear they were talking about me when they walked out. i was touched because some people recognised my effort. they appreciate what i doing for my parents while my beloved parents, they don't. i don't blame my dearest parents as i know they love me too much, therefore they can't bear to watch me suffering although i am willing to do so. what i hope is, they don't erase my effort... (in fact i know, they recognise it because they really love me)
life is really short. when there are so many choices to make, i know i always put them whom i love on privilege. i ask for nothing but understanding and consideration from them. may my effort be recognised by them when i working so hard for them. ya, i ask for it; nobody forces me. however, it is my simple dream.
my little simple dream.
May Buddha always watch over my beloved.
i am so tired. i don't know i am really tired until they told me so. last night 830p.m., i was still staring at the desktop while top bosses were going home. they showed me their concern, worrying me my health condition; telling me how dangerous if i am working non-stop for 8 or more hours. they know why i work hard; they appreciate it. i still could hear they were talking about me when they walked out. i was touched because some people recognised my effort. they appreciate what i doing for my parents while my beloved parents, they don't. i don't blame my dearest parents as i know they love me too much, therefore they can't bear to watch me suffering although i am willing to do so. what i hope is, they don't erase my effort... (in fact i know, they recognise it because they really love me)
life is really short. when there are so many choices to make, i know i always put them whom i love on privilege. i ask for nothing but understanding and consideration from them. may my effort be recognised by them when i working so hard for them. ya, i ask for it; nobody forces me. however, it is my simple dream.
my little simple dream.
May Buddha always watch over my beloved.
May 23, 2007
Mood Swing
recently my mood swing dramatically.
yesterday, i had a superb great mood.
my boss was very "piss off" on me as i did some error. i amended. too bad, he is a picky boss. therefore, he "scolded" me. however, i didn't cry because i didn't know he was scolding me. thus, i was surprised to his compliment on I'm strong enough to encounter his scolding. (i think he will vomit blood if he realises that i have no feeling to what he said at all) besides, he praised on my handwriting too.
overall, i found it was very funny. first of all, i didn't know he was scolding me, besides i wouldn't consider that as scolding as compared to my sisters. his level is MUCH lower. thus, no a big deal. second, i know i have a good handwriting. But, overall, what made me so HAPPY is my boss was frustrated. the part of reason is because of my error, (main reason is due to his own work) i was superb elated to his frustration. (from here, you can know how failure he is as a boss) :p
anyway, a coin has two side. TODAY, my mood is superb down. start from walking into the office until the end of the day... the worst is i read through a Friendster profile... it made me sick!!! or i should say, BU SHUANG!
gosh... mood swing is really bad to the health (some people say it may shorten the life span). May Buddha bless me, save me from this kind of struggling.
yesterday, i had a superb great mood.
my boss was very "piss off" on me as i did some error. i amended. too bad, he is a picky boss. therefore, he "scolded" me. however, i didn't cry because i didn't know he was scolding me. thus, i was surprised to his compliment on I'm strong enough to encounter his scolding. (i think he will vomit blood if he realises that i have no feeling to what he said at all) besides, he praised on my handwriting too.
overall, i found it was very funny. first of all, i didn't know he was scolding me, besides i wouldn't consider that as scolding as compared to my sisters. his level is MUCH lower. thus, no a big deal. second, i know i have a good handwriting. But, overall, what made me so HAPPY is my boss was frustrated. the part of reason is because of my error, (main reason is due to his own work) i was superb elated to his frustration. (from here, you can know how failure he is as a boss) :p
anyway, a coin has two side. TODAY, my mood is superb down. start from walking into the office until the end of the day... the worst is i read through a Friendster profile... it made me sick!!! or i should say, BU SHUANG!
gosh... mood swing is really bad to the health (some people say it may shorten the life span). May Buddha bless me, save me from this kind of struggling.
May 18, 2007
life...
a lot of things happened. i was happy, upset, frustrated, excited, disappointed and even angry when they incurred. i laughed, i shouted, i cursed at those moments. however, now i am feelingless.
i have a lot of thing to get it done. i wish to achieve something. i was inspired, yes, from my workplace. if they can achieve, i can too. however, sacrifices is unavoidable.
so, may my family, friends and anyone affected forgive me. i just wanna have something good to my beloved people.
May Buddha always watch at me, lead me to the correct path.. Namo Amitabha
i have a lot of thing to get it done. i wish to achieve something. i was inspired, yes, from my workplace. if they can achieve, i can too. however, sacrifices is unavoidable.
so, may my family, friends and anyone affected forgive me. i just wanna have something good to my beloved people.
May Buddha always watch at me, lead me to the correct path.. Namo Amitabha
May 9, 2007
say "hi"
wenwen babe was tired, working is tough and tiring.
he cut a new hairstyle, looked like a boy?
May 8, 2007
May 4, 2007
i took it
finally i gave the employer my reply, telling him i will take his job. however, i am unhappy. mostly because of myself, a mentally obstacle. i feel very "bu-shuang", very unhappy to this job. anyway, happy-go-lucky; just do it before i find a better one.
vomit blood
i can't find a dream job. it is so difficult to finding a job now. haiz.. i am really upset. should i take that offer? i still can withdraw now, should i?
So long, Toubi
a lovcly moment, a farewell for Toubi in cineleisure. hope she had an enjoyful dinner with us.
Kawaii Toubi, i and Eileen: cheers!
Kawaii Toubi and Kawaii Anata, aha, compatible! plus i, so sweet!!!! Toubi must cherish it o.. hihi
before Toubi leaves, let's take a photo here. "uniquely singapore". in fact, call us international group. :p
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